bottombitch | IC Contact @ Riverview

I'm beginning to lose faith in this whole soul mates thing. It's complicated my feelings-- it's hurt you. But...
_{[ but.. ]}

I can't resist. I'm so.. grateful for you and who you are.
_{[ He grips Aoba's clothes tighter, glaring at Aoba's collarbone-- you know. Looking anywhere but in Aoba's eyes.
In a hushed tone he tries to compose himself and is able to squeak out: ]}

You mean.. so much to me...

[ Aoba smiles sheepishly, but color continues to grow more vivid as it chases the white away, the affliction losing hold of him as he opens up his heart and speaks more candidly of the things he's been withholding. ]

I guess I'm kind of vain and selfish, I don't want anyone to think poorly of me, particularly not those who I'm close to.

I thought... if how I felt was normal for soulmates, then it was fine. But I think I was hiding behind it... so I must have made made you start to resent the word.

[ He hates how it makes him sound, but it's the truth. He feels wrong for it -- in love with one man, and having romantic feelings and thoughts of another. It was too convenient to hold the complexity of soulmates as a shield but ever since Karamatsu revealed his feelings for him, he recognized his own for what they were. But talking about it so frankly makes him self conscious and he starts to fluster. Is he babbling? He's probably babbling. ]

Y-you mean a lot to me too, so... I couldn't let you run away like that!

I don't know who you think I am.. but I'm not anything I want to be.
_{[ at least he's stopped crying, so that's good. He does sniffle, though. His upset emotions still linger. He heaves out a sigh, nodding a few times. ]}

I.. understand not wanting anyone to think poorly of you, but.. people seem to do that anyway.
_{[ He fidgets, adverting his gaze. ]}

It's.. strange to finally find someone who cares.. and understands, but..
_{[ He takes a single step back, looking up at Aoba. ]}

It was also selfish of me to cross my boundaries.
_{[ A beat. ]}

It's selfish of me to like you the way I do.

...

[ Aoba feels his hands slide down from his hair to his shoulders, then travel down his arms until he's clasping his fingers in his as Karamatsu takes a step back and finally looks at him. ]

Ah --

[ Suddenly realizing how this must appear, it seems like the world suddenly rushes up to meet them, the sounds of the busy street crowding around them where before there was only the heartbreaking sound of Karamatsu's crying and the beat of his own heart. He'd tuned everything out, and now he's doing something a little embarrassing. Aoba releases his hands and scrubs the back of his neck with one hand, looking sheepish.

His color has returned to normal, and so has Karamatsu's mood. Or it's stabilized somewhat. ]

I guess that's human nature, huh? Whether it's to be selfish or to make mistakes... not that I'm making an excuse or anything.

...Can you find it in your heart to forgive me, Kara-kun?

_{[ Aoba is absolutely right. People do make mistakes, but for some reason, Karamatsu was on a quest to be better than everyone else. It was a huge insecurity, knowing that there are so many people better than him at everything.. that's why he hated it when he messed up like this.
He focuses on the ground instead of Aoba, but his sound is sincere. ]}

... Of course. I'll always forgive you.

IC Contact @ Riverview

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