bottombitch | IC Contact @ Riverview

T-That is quite alright, Aoba-kun! These things happen. Hah, I should know.. sometimes I make quite a mess when I am by myself. This kind of sticky feeling; I do not mind it but I also do not care for it. Whenever you are ready, we can wash up, but I will wait for you.. however long it takes.

_{[ Relax as much as you like, he's just going to keep holding Aoba, occasionally giving him gentle and light kisses on his face. His voice hushes but is full of honesty: ]}

I'm here for you.

[ He's being considerate...

Aoba looks at him for a moment, blinking as he kisses his face and holds him. He doesn't seem disgusted at all, he looks pleased and that makes him feel a little less tense. He had worried that he would get grossed out by what they did, but he doesn't really get that impression at all. Aoba inwardly feels himself relax. ]

...

[ Aoba turns his cheek to kiss him full on the lips when another kiss comes, hugging him. ] You taste a little different. [ And then he thinks, of course he does before his face reddens and he covers his mouth in another kiss. He feels strangely lighter after letting himself go a little wild with Karamatsu, like he was able to come to terms to something he's been burdened with for quite some time. Still, he frets and worries just a bit, wondering if it was okay. ]

...Hey, Kara-kun. [ He wants to ask if he hated it. But no, that's not the kind of question he should ask. It might make him defensive and answer in such a way as to spare his feelings. ]

Lets wash up and relax in the bath a while.

_{[ He wouldn't ever be grossed out. He's been waiting his whole life to be like this with somebody; he can ignore anything that's 'gross' but he's one of those people that finds it beautiful, you know. Karamatsu tries his best to find poetry in literally everything so the fact he's reacting like this shouldn't surprise anyone.
He takes the kisses happily, humming in delight every time he is smooched. Aoba should take note of how overjoyed he seems right now; it's nothing he's ever seen before. ]}

As you wish!
_{[ He breaks off and kiss and simply helps himself heading to the actual bathroom now and starting the bath for them. ]}

[ Aoba feels that anxious pressure on his chest lessen when he hears him hum happily. Something about Karamatsu seems so different, like there's an innocent or childlike wonder about him. Light and carefree. Aoba knows what that feels like but it's... odd.

Odd when it's during a situation like this, where someone's genuinely happy. He thought maybe he was the only one who felt this way, in fits and starts until the world closed in around him with it's judgmental assumptions and every other burden that society imposed on him and people like him. Aoba pulls away from the kiss with a lazy smile on his face, and tracks him with his eyes as Karamatsu enters the bath... only for that awareness to close in on him, chasing away the smile. ]

...He seems so happy. [ Surely it's not because of him. Is it? Aoba hangs there, in this small enclosure that serves as a sort of self imposed purgatory. He wonders if he should feel bad about this. That he's gone this far even before the first date. Or maybe... it's not really the first date, not really. Not when he's been loving him for so long.

Aoba balls his fists and slides open the door after Karamatsu, whispering back through the opening. ]

I'm... I'm coming in!

_{[ Of course he's happy. He has no reason to be sad. He just had a wonderful and intimate time with the person he's fairly certain he's madly in love with, so it shouldn't matter how messy it is or how clumsy he can be with all of this. They both felt good in the end so Karamatsu can't complain; he's also got nobody else to compare against Aoba and he has enough fake confidence to not feel intimidated by any other competition he may have for Aoba's affection. He'll take any bone that Aoba throws to him out of sheer desperation.

He's already crawled into the tub as its filling up with warm water and has gone straight to rinsing off his skin when Aoba comes inside the bathroom. The smile on his face simply hasn't died down in the least. ]}

I-I hope you didn't mind I went on ahead, I was eager to feel clean.
_{[ A beat. He spreads his arms out to Aoba, pausing his bathing for just a moment. ]}

Please, come on in!

[ Aoba sees he's already in the tub and wonders just how long he's been spacing out. It's not the first time, it certainly won't be for the last, so he quickly steps under the shower to start washing himself off. He pumps shampoo into the palm of his hand and starts to carefully massage it into this sensitive hair. ]

I don't blame you... [ Aoba huffs a laugh, too embarrassed to express that he was looking forward to scrubbing his back. Or... washing his hair. GOD. THAT'S SAPPY EVEN FOR HIM. Aoba turns his reddening face into the spray of water to try to cool or or at least distract himself with the rush of water. After he rinses his hair out, he starts washing off his body. He glances up while he's lathering himself down and quickly turns away, embarrassed at the sight of him welcoming him with open arms. ]

D-don't rush me, there was a lot of... stuff. You know... [ Don't make him explain why he's being thorough about cleaning. Except he's spending a lot more time blushing than he is washing, and eventually he runs out of real estate to scrub down and rinse so...

In he goes. Making sure he's pinned up his hair so none of it hits the water and not so much as a bubble of soap remains on his skin. The hot water envelops him and he sighs when he slips into it. ]

_{[ Karamatsu visibly melts in the tub, slinking against it as he watches Aoba clean himself, admiring him. It's so obvious how stricken he is and he doesn't care to hie it. He gives Aoba some space once he steps in, but then he's right next to him right after, sliding his arm gingerly around his shoulders. His other hand takes Aoba by the chin to make him look at him. In a soft tone: ]}

When was the last time somebody told you how wonderful you are?

Eh?

[ As much as he tries to focus on cleaning, he can't help but feel his eyes on him. Even after they did all of that, he still feels self-conscious, perhaps a bit more because they had. Aoba makes a small sound when his chin is lifted, causing him to drift a bit closer to Karamatsu until he can feel his shoulder sticking against his in the water. ]

...I guess, n-not in a while, if... you mean outside of the last time you said it?

[ Because, actually, he has no one in his life to give those kinds of embarrassing affirmations. It actually makes him a little conflicted -- sad and embarrassed at the same time. Koujaku would sometimes say these really earnest things, but nothing like that. Clear would say 'master this' or 'master that' or maybe 'master is wonderful' but that was not the same thing. Noiz he... wasn't the best with his words, more likely to be direct and blunt than to dish out compliments. Granny was more likely to throw chopsticks at him than say he was wonderful.

He feels oddly vulnerable, and some of that is probably because they're in the bath together, but he's been feeling like that a lot. Aoba resists the urge to withdraw in on himself by drawing his knees up and puts his arms around them... and instead reaches out and slips an arm around Karamatsu's waist and holds him instead. ]

I feel like somehow I don't really deserve that compliment.

You are more than just wonderful.
_{[ Sure, Karamatsu is really desperate and really needy, but his feelings and sentiment are true and valid when it comes to Aoba. He's never had someone outside of his family give him so much happiness. He couldn't exactly place his finger on it if somebody asked, but he knew that without him, he felt lifeless.
He runs his knuckles along his friend's cheek for a moment before he steadies his palm on his face. ]}

You are.. the sunshine in my blue skies! Ah, the song birds in my empty trees. Simply said, you are what brings me joy when I am feeling sad.
_{[ Easy there, bud. Fascinatingly enough, Karamatsu says this without a bat of a lash and without any embarrassment. He's even looking into Aoba's eyes when saying so. ]}

...Karamatsu, are you --

[ In love with me is what he wants to ask, but he thinks he'll hear the same answer. He probably thinks he is, and to a degree he thinks he returns those feelings. Knows he does. But it's complicated. Aoba doesn't trust himself completely and wonders if he's maybe just a little bit in love with the idea of being with someone. ]

Are you sure? I mean... with... what we're doing. [ Aoba draws his knees to his chest and hugs them, resting the side of his face against his knees as he asks Karamatsu the obvious, but at the last minute Aoba buries his face in his arms and knees and mumbles through them: ]

...I don't really know what I'm asking.

_{[ Woah there, that's certainly a change of mood, and despite being somebody who can't read the atmosphere very well, he knows damn well something is off about this reaction.
He gives Aoba some space, but steadies his hand between his shoulder blades. He thinks he knows what he is asking, but.. ]}

Are you concerned you don't feel the same way or feel as strongly about me but.. perhaps you enjoy the pampering and attention I give you?
_{[ In a way, Karamatsu knows it's something he shouldn't be doing. He should also pull back on the reigns to prevent getting hurt or hurting Aoba, but.. he simply cannot resist when somebody is just even a minuscule interested in him. ]}

[ He's feeling a little vulnerable. It's the first time he's been intimate since Noiz, so there's a bit of emotional whiplash. But the moment Karamatsu speaks so bluntly to him, color returns to his face and he blinks back at him in alarm. ]

N-no! I like you! More than anyone else in quarantine! I just...

[ Don't trust myself. Aoba thinks, but decides even that would be unnecessary to say to someone. Who wants to hear that kind of uncertain, wishy-washy crap? Aoba lowers his knees and arms, he can feel his hand on his back so he reaches for Karamatsu's other hand to hold it under the water. ]

...I want to make sure I'm giving you the attention you deserve too. Not just... um, you know.

_{[ Karamatsu tips his head, but seems pleased with the validation. He doesn't think he's very deserving of any attention when it boils down to it, but Aoba is the only one who even gives him a small bit of attention so he's satisfied with that.

He takes his hand, lips curling upward in a smile. ]}

Of course you are! I have never gotten so much attention in my entire life.
_{[ He's being honest here?? ]}

IC Contact @ Riverview

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god dammit my computer restarted and I lost my tag SOB

rip

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