bottombitch | IC Contact @ Riverview

[ Through a mess of white hair, Aoba stares for far too long into the glowing projection from his comms device. He's been feeling worse and worse ever since he felt the hard bumps form on his head and watched the color drain day by day from his hair, his skin and eyes until he looked like a ghost. Those bumps turned into curling red horns that would be the only color on him, giving him the vague impression of a twisted looking ram.

He can't go out like this. He can't even stand to look at his reflection. It's... it's ridiculous. ]

I'm not feeling up for it.

Sorry.

[ Go out to karaoke?! He'd get laughed at, or worse!! People will aggressively prompt him to divulge what he's keeping to himself. And if he's with Karamatsu... ]

...Can't one of your brothers go with you?

_{[ Ah.. there he is, avoiding him and making an excuse. Karamatsu doesn't have a lot going for him, but one thing he does have is a lot of determination. ]}
You see.... the problem with that...
None of them can sing! Ah.. should talent like me really be singing with them in public? I constantly am torn because i love my family with all of my love!

However.. you can sing really well, Aoba-kun.

...

[ Ah, he's doing that again. Being persistent. Aoba's convinced he does it without thinking, so spurned on by his own momentum that he ends up blowing right past all polite refusals and hesitation. But becoming a recluse reminds him too much of his darker years in his youth, when he feared venturing outside his own room and hiding out here makes him feel... on edge. Like something inside is clawing desperately to get out.

But then he sees his own reflection and his shoulders sag. Can he really go out looking like this? He looks like he's cosplaying some weird character... like an albino demon. This sucks!! ]

If you're complimenting me, then you must really want to hang out.

I would do anything in the world to hang out with you!!! Who wouldn't???
_{[ He's doing it again. He's flirting. He doesn't mean to and he realizes he really shouldn't, but it's too late and he's sent the message. ]}

You can even pick the music if you want!

[ ...Heh? ]

[ Aoba blinks at the screen. He didn't mean to send that, having half written it as a joke, but now he has unwittingly tossed the ball back into Karamatsu's court in a way that definitely makes it harder for him to refuse. Aoba then flops on his back, yelling at the ceiling as he clutches at his horns. His tone is too whiny for his age, but he feels caught! ]

Uwaaaah~ I can't believe I did that..!! How am I supposed to respond...!?

[ Eventually, he manages to provide one, but it's slow in coming. ]

So long... as it's just us.

[ If he pulls his hoodie over his head, maybe no one will notice how he looks. ]

_{[ Just us, huh? It's too soon for Karamatsu to tease Aoba about that comment. but he blinks at his device a few times, set aback by such a statement. Just us. Had his feelings changed over this time of solitude? Karamatsu cannot help but wonder. His face flushes but he chooses to ignore that and press on: ]}

Of course it is just us..... i couldn't think of anyone else id want to bring with me! Just us.....
Alone.. with the music in our souls!

[ It's too late. He's committed. At this point, it'd be pointlessly hurtful to reject him. Aoba talked himself into this corner by typing something without even thinking it through.

Or maybe it's because his sudden desire to secret himself away like some hermit shunning human contact was starting to fray his nerves all the more - left him with his own thoughts with little distractions. Was this part of the affliction? Or just exacerbating his existing proclivities toward rumination and second-guessing, where ever reminder of the affliction reflecting back at him is an unfriendly reminder of what got him here in the first place.

Aoba works out the details over text as he sorts himself out, and by the time he arrives at the venue of Karamatsu's choosing, he's pulled the hood so far over his head that the back of it lifts slightly at the small of his back. It has the unintended effect of making him look even creepier. Not wanting to get anyone's attention is hard when you're trying to call out to someone in a small voice. Trying to escape notice while looking conspicuously shady and also trying to get a certain someone's attention is a hell of a lot harder than it sounds. ]

...Kara-kun.

_{[ Karamatsu is waiting outside, half expecting Aoba to not show up. It's stupid, he's stupid, but he felt like he needed to do something to just validate that things are okay between he and Aoba without actually using his brain and words and simply asking. He's such a coward through and through no matter what it is he's hiding from, but he's especially afraid of disappointment.

Though, the voice is heard and any worry that was on Karamatsu's face fades and he brightens up, throwing his arms around Aoba without any hesitation or judgment of his weird clothing trend with his hoodie pulled over him. He squeezes him tightly. ]}

Ah! I love your fashion statement! So unique!

[ Visible within the shadow of the hood, Aoba's mouth opens in surprise when the hug comes and his unnaturally white skin becomes smudged with red. He stiffens, instinctively flinching when Karamatsu comes close and -- no, he doesn't try to do anything weird. There's no hand on his hip or leg, no sign of going for anything more than a hug. It's just your average, truly embarrassingly public display of affection, one he'd actually grown a little used to before things got complicated.

...

He missed this. ]

F-fashion statement? Karamatsu, it's nothing of the sort -- [ Flustered, Aoba tugs at Karamatsu's top from the sides and then finally, after some hesitation, winds them around his waist in a hug, dropping his face onto his shoulder. It feels stupid, but suddenly he can't speak - his throat feels like it's closing up and all this emotion got stuck somewhere along the way. He wants to say 'It's your fault' or question how he's expecting to press the reset button on their friendship. But he's a coward too, and he's afraid of the tenuous grasp he has on his relationship to the two most important people in his life here.

Aoba lifts his head and turns it away slightly, embarrassed. ]

...Lets just go inside. This is... a little embarrassing.

_{[ Aoba is acting a little odd and even Karamatsu can notice that. He's shorter than Aoba so it's easier for him to peer at him from under his hood. He can see his hair and his skin is a little lighter-- it's really nothing that Karamatsu as seen before. It's concerning, but he decides to not draw attention to it just yet. Instead, his fingers curve around Aoba's sleeve, tugging at him lightly. ]}

Heh.. of course. We must bless those with our miraculous voices! There cannot be a moment to spare for anything else!

_{[ He releases Aoba's sleeve after a moment deciding to walk ahead of him. ]}

[ From beneath the hood, Aoba can feel Karamatsu's stare before he finally looks back at him, pulling his lips together to form a nervous line as he watches him. He's more than just lighter, although the dim light of nighttime tends to wash out all color anyway, but he's white all over. The hazel in his eyes are replaced with a bleached white with a nearly blue tint, his hair and skin also.

Aoba's shoulders hitch as Karamatsu's over-the-top declaration makes him twitch. Was he really worried about showing his strange appearance in public? Somehow that doesn't seem quite as bad as the nonsense Karamatsu says, but it's... also familiar. It's as if that day never happened and Aoba's not sure if that's supposed to make him feel more frustrated or relieved, so he's a bit of both -- which does absolutely nothing to help. ]

M-miraculous... h-hey!

[ Aoba's the sort to just go with the flow, thinking he should be grateful for something 'normal', for not being asked why he looks the way he does, or about any potential fallout from earlier in the month, but instead that seems to make him feel even more restless. He stares at Karamatsu in a dazed disbelief as he checks in and follows him to their karaoke booth. ]

...Seriously? You want to sing, I mean... obviously. But don't you want to... you know...

_{[ Karamatsu smiles as he hears Aoba's foot steps behind him. Honestly, he's just happy Aoba is hanging out with him. Seriously. There's a lot of things that Karamatsu wants right now, but the biggest thing was to have Aoba's company.

He looks over his shoulder and back at Aoba at his words. ]}

Ah? Do I want to what?
_{[ Yes, Aoba. Please tell him what he wants. ]}

...

[ He's going to make him say it, isn't he? ]

[ After seeing him like this... even Karamatsu can't be that clueless as to not know what this could mean, especially on the heels of what happened... and he has the nerve to play cool! He's totally making him say it, and that just pisses him off! The nerve...! ]

[ Aoba's hand reaches up and yanks back the hood, but it doesn't get far, not when it snags on one of the horns. But his white hair, mussed by the action and slightly lifting from static due to the dry air of winter, white skin and eyes are exposed for him to see clearly. ]

Um, this?! I mean... you don't even wanna ask?!

[ Aoba doesn't realize the hypocrisy of wanting to hide this away from everyone and then drawing attention to it. ]

_{[ watches, stares for the longest time. Was he supposed to ask!? He doesn't know how any of this is supposed to work! ]}

Aoba-kun, it doesn't matter how you look to me. The fact you came out here to be with me is all that matters! Just because your appearance is different.. it doesn't change your heart or who you are.
_{[ lmao that's what YOU THINK... ]}

Edited 2018-02-23 03:24 (UTC)

It matters to me!

[ Aoba's flipped over to that unreasonable side of his emotions, apparently affronted by the fact Karamatsu is so very chill about the main source of his own insecurity, the fact he's afflicted. It doesn't phase Karamatsu in the least and for some reason that pisses him off.

Aoba marches right up to him and points to his own face. And the horns. ]

Because of you, I'm like this! I even have horns! Look!

[ Aoba reaches out for his hands to try to pull them up to them, to touch them and see for himself that they're really real. You know. For reasons. ]

Take responsibility!

_{[ Karamatsu isn't the sharpest tool in the shed, but he does know that Aoba is very upset over.. whatever is happening to him right now. It's bizarre-- he's never seen anyting like it but he certainly doesn't see anything wrong with it. In fact, some aspects about Aoba's change he would say are beautiful, but that is beside the point.
His face falls, brows finally running together in worry. His holds his hands up slightly in defense, unsure of how to process the situation. ]}

O-oh, I'm sorry.. I do not understand! How is it my fault? How can I take responsibility? What have I done?
_{[ The last part sounds awfully guilty. ]}

[ That Other Aoba might have something to say about that, Karamatsu, seeing as 'drained of all color' is his natural state of being. Color arguably came to him the more he surrounded himself with it - colorful people, whose vibrancy seemed infectious and overwhelming.

But right now Aoba's just reacting to a switch that feels flipped. He's been bottling up a lot of conflicting emotions and thoughts and whether it's being cooped up for the better part of a week that's to blame or just the violence of his internal dilemma that's to blame, the result is nevertheless confusing for all involved. Aoba tugs at his hands and then lets go only for a moment. ]

Idiot! I'm cursed because of you did some weird stuff and made me worry about... things!

[ Aoba's being vague, which helps in no way at all, but now he's starting to move to try pulling his mouth wider with his thumbs. It's about as mature as it sounds. ]

You want to play around with karaoke, play it cool... without even acknowledging my suffering! You should be cursed!

[ That's literally not how it works... ]

_{[ Wh-what is he saying? Karamatsu honestly doesn't understand. He doesn't know what "curse" Aoba is talking about, or how Aoba is worrying about things. He does understand this probably has something to do with the kiss he stole a few nights ago, but other than that he is completely at loss.
Aoba is doing the familiar trick of passing the blame, something Karamatsu does a lot so he recognizes it, but he doesn't bother to argue or pass the blame back.

The last phrase gets him to gasp softly, hands splaying over his chest. ]}

I-Is that possible? Can I take this suffering away from you?
_{[ He sounds genuine for as much as a clueless person can in this scenario. ]}

O-oh.. if I have to turn white and grow horns for you... I gladly accept!

[ Aoba lifts his hands away from Karamatsu's face when he hears that. He's... offering to take his curse from him. He says it so earnestly that Aoba can't help but feel his frustration-fueled anger cool as he inwardly sighs. He really doesn't get it, does he?

Maybe it's because he tends to speak his mind? No, somehow he doubts that. After all, he'd tucked away whatever he was feeling for long enough to act on impulse so recklessly... or maybe that's just ]

...Of course it's not possible!

[ Exasperated by his own impotent anger that seems misdirected and pointless in the face of such an innocent and well-intentioned question, Aoba drops into a seat and frowns. No... more like sulks. He's tucking his arms into one another, crossing them over his chest as he huffs and fails to think of an appropriate recompense for whatever wrong Karamatsu has done him.

...Change of subject then. ]

If we're going to sing, then we're going to need to drink.

_{[ Well, if it's not possible, then Karamatsu isn't sure how to make this situation better for everyone. He doesn't know what it means when Aoba changes this color or what caused it, how it works, anything like that. Instead, he offers Aoba a weak grin and plops down next to him. They're all alone in this karaoke room, nothing but the TV screens prompting them to select a song.

Karamatsu just can't help it, sliding into the booth until their hips connect. He leans forward, peering at the sulking man next to him. ]}

I'll get your drink.
_{[ His voice is quiet, something he really only reserves for certain people.}

... [ God, what a mess.

Aoba looks at him out of the corner of his eye in silent acknowledgment of the solid weight of him in the seat next to him, the warmth he feels as he slots in at his side. It's familiar, more than welcome given his own self-imposed solitude. But at the same times, he worries that any amount of touch might set things in motion in ways he didn't intend.

Just like last time.

Aoba averts his eyes, but prompts Karamatsu into conversation about a subject they're both avoiding, skirting around talking about it directly but addressing it nevertheless. ]

It's weird, being like this... isn't it?

...We're both holding our feelings back out of fear from opposite ends of the spectrum, aren't we?

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